i think just once, id like someone to save me.

He's by far the best salesman i've ever seen. His techniques are flawless, i've seen him crack the customer so many times its almost funny now. his pressure is subtle but demanding. you can't resist once he's used all his ploys. sometimes we laugh about it on the car ride back. He makes more in commission in a couple of sales than i do in a month. His wife and kids and house are beautiful. i would love to end up like him in a few of years.

on the way home yesterday his eye caught a pretty girl in a black dress. His neck strained to sustain the view. i watched the lines deepen on his face and neck. he looks at me looking at him and turns his attention back to the road. i can feel the tension for a while. He tried to break the ice by mentioning the girl. "Pretty, huh?" i didn't know what to say for a few seconds. If i would have known about the angry kids and strained marriage i would have shut my mouth. but instead i said "yeah, but aren't you married?" I immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say. the rest of the car drive home was silent. the tension was almost unbearable. when we arrived at corporate south he dropped me off at my car. before i got out he looked at some point in the horizon and said "the comfortable life ain't all its cracked up to be."

recommended mp3 - josh rouse - directions

i'm tired of snow and cold and my bones desire the warmer changes. the weather hints at the warmth to come. the old lady across the street lives everyday in her night gown. no need to change. i wonder if the winter is longer for her. i saw a squirrel this morning, i thought they hibernated but i guess this one got tired of it. it must be boring. i thought for a while what squirrels think about when they are all alone in their trees for months at a time so cold. i can't imagine a winter with no central heating or electric blankets. i look for robins and the color green. its been a long winter.

recommended mp3 - clem snide - messiah complex blues

once when i was ten my mom set up some deal where if me or my brother got ten "A" papers we could buy a five dollar toy at toy'r'us. i can't remember if i tried harder because of this or just kept on trying like i always tried. but eventually i got ten "A" papers and we went to toys'r'us. i bought a transformer that was a robot/car. it cost nine dollars. it was pretty awesome. you didn't have to do too much transforming or whatever, when the robot bent over it would just click in and become a car. you could wind it up and it would go. i loved the new toy smell. i played with it all day. about a week later i found it on the back of the toy shelf and i couldn't figure out why it i didn't like it as much. like something changed. all the fun was used up. the newness ended. i put it in the toy box where all the junky toys go and went to the neighbors to play with his wwf wrestling figures. he had the full ring. my friends' toys always stayed new.

recommended mp3 - zwan - settledown

nick drake sings softly over the whine of the engine. i've never seen a pink moon. i open the window and crank the volume. soft warm air blows in and around my car. the night is trying to tell me something but i can't be bothered to figure it out. i turn the music louder. the feeling and music permeate me further. all the lights are green and cars move out of my way. i watch the street lights reflect off the car. they move systematically down the hood and over my head. little blue houses whistle past. this is the night. the moon shines brighter further from the city. it grows stronger. sometimes i can feel its pull. the ocean never gets tired of its fruitless pursuit - and i can understand why. its a poem so epic and true...this place it is cursed with a beauty so great. i'm sure that its hard being you.

recommended mp3 - coolidge - trapped

not all who wander are lost. - j.r.r tolkien

recommended mp3 - california stars - jeff tweedy

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

recommended mp3 - aimee mann - wise up

at least my watch is right two times a day

recommended mp3 - long winters - carparts