"...colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middle-class non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets in each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness to hear the voice crying in the wilderness, to find the ecstasy of the stars, to find the dark mysterious secret of the origin of faceless wonderless crapulous civilization..."

jack kerouac

today's recommended mp3 - t.w. walsh - silent movies

there's an emotional curve when you have to take trains everyday. (really almost all public transportation). if your like me and your used to taking your car everyday, your used to the complete control. you are the one driving; if your late or early you can speed up or slow down. you could take an alternate route or stop off somewhere to get a coffee. but when you start taking trains, you immeadiately give up your control. sometimes you don't even get to choose where you sit. you give up everything to the public transportation system. at first this is pretty overwhelming. when your on a train and need to make a connection or whatever and the train decides to stop in the middle of nowhere; you kinda freak out. or at least i tend to do... it becomes so frustrating because there's nothing you can do. you can't will the train to go faster, you can't rush up to the driver and step on the gas or whatever he uses to make the big thing go. some people complain but that doesn't improve your situation either. and so you just sit. but here's the funny part; after a while you start to like it. not right of way of course, no it takes a few months to teach you that your powerless. but once it happens its very freeing. your not in charge. its not your fault that things aren't going well. just relax. enjoy a few minutes to yourself. sometimes when you give up power you get peace.

today's recommended mp3 - jets to brazil - sea anemone

i'm not the social type.

today's recommended mp3 - denison witmer - stations

this is exactly the kind of fall day that people get all fired up about. sweaters and hot chocolate. falling leaves and pumpkins. i have nothing better to do so i walk down to the woods that surround the creek behind our house. down past the crumbling ravine, past the broken barb-wire fence, past the now missing rope swing. i walk up to the old rusty railroad track bridge and find the perfect reading spot. i can lean against the metal post that supports the bridge and dangle my feet over the creek. the kickapoo drifts slowly under me; deceptively. the fall breeze blows the ripples in the water one way and the current moves downstream in the opposite direction. i can't read because i'm distracted by the trees who keep fighting to keep my attention. the sun moves and changes its perspective and every few minutes the colors change on the leaves. its beautiful in ways that can't be given to words by even the most gifted writer. and i notice a feeling of growing frustration. i can't take it in enough, the cup overfills, the memory fades, the picture yellows, the journal is lost. the moment will pass. everything does. but i'm frustrated that i can't have it, i want to put it in a box and take it into my room. i want to hide it in the closet. i want to take it out when i'm bored or lonely or when i can't sleep. but i know i can't. and so...it passes. the sunsets. i walk up back to the house and watch tv or play video games and everything is lost.

today's recommended mp3 - rosie thomas - bicycle, tricycle

one of the things i love about texas is the polite way they drive. sometimes the state gets a bad rap because of the whole "were our own country" mentality, but i know you would be a fan too if you were driving to mexico at 85 to 100 miles an hour and people pull their cars off the road just to let you pass. The first time this happened to me i thought there was something wrong. it could be a number of things... like maybe there is an ambulance right behind me that i've been ignoring for a few miles, or maybe they think i'm a cop, or maybe their car is breaking down. but no, i look as i pass and sure enough there just letting me pass them. no charge, no dirty look, just nice people. its a good feeling. its hard to shake or forget for a while. that someone is just being nice for the sake of being nice. it kinda makes up for all the times i did get dirty looks or shaken fists or middle fingers...

today's recommended mp3 - pedro the lion - song a

i really don't have anything to say today. i tried to think of something creative or just things i've been thinking about lately on my walk home today, but alas, nothing is cool enough to put on the web. so i write this. oh yeah, and pete yorn would be cool if they took all the stupid dance beats out of his music.

today's recommended mp3 - dashboard confessional - anyone, anyone

the worst thing that can happen to you on a skateboard is not what you think. sometimes the board flips up and hits you shin, that hurts like crazy but its not all that bad. other times like when you try a nose manual you can fall face first and scrape the skin of your palms. thats bad but not the worst. the worst thing is when through some strange series of events, you come down off a jump or a curve or whatever and you end up somehow with one foot on the deck and one on the pavement. now you kinda hafta visualize at this point. the skateboard keeps going - so one of your legs (regardless of its angle or position) goes with it. the other leg stays firmly on concrete. and there - is the painful moment. that's the time when you wish you were somewhere else and sometimes you are... the inside leg muscles (groin, i think?) scream in hellish agony through both legs and throb for a long time afterwards. days or weeks later they complain bitterly of the horrible injustice they suffered like old people getting bad service at Denny's. and that, is the worst thing that can happen to you on a skateboard.

today's recommended mp3 - unwed sailor - once in a blue moon

the thing about progress, yeah, is that it can be so insulting. It doesn't care about you, it never did. It looks you in the eye, deep down inside, and says, "im moving on; with or without you." and it walks away - never looking back to gauge your reaction. believe me i know, i've been there. when i moved to england last year, peoria decided that since i'm gone to make all these radical changes. there's a baseball stadium just a few miles away on the southside, there's about a million huge shopping centers just north of town. why didn't somebody phone me up and ask if these things were O.K? These are my streets and buildings just as much as anybody else's - this is the road that would take me to jr. high basketball games and thats the intersection where i got my first speeding ticket. here's where my car blew its transmisson out. i'll show you the bump that me and my brother would jump our bikes on. you can't just change things. how dare you. i'm afraid to go to bloomington - that place is a thousand times worse, i would leave for a weekend or just a day and there would be like a whole new section of town just smiling at me - with its brand new black parking lots and white cut stone. but it didn't bother me that much cause bloomington isn't mine, my years at isu were rented, not bought. but peoria is mine or at least it used to be...

today's recommended mp3 - Damien Jurado - Rehersals for Departure

i guess i better start writing better stuff i'f i'm gonna be a real blog writer. today i went to my old high school to see about subsitute teaching jobs. it was a really weird experince. as i pulled up i got a nervous feeling in my stomach like when your really late for a class or when you did something wrong to someone and now your gonna talk to them for the first time. Anyways the first thing that took me back was the smell of the heat; those big high schools run some massive blower system and it has a distinctive smell. one whiff of that and i'm back to p.e. and study hall. everything was suprisingly unchanged really, the same stupid banners down the hall, the same type of kids wandering the halls, and the same disgruntled secretaries out for blood. high school was so strange....college is infinitely better. mmm... this isn't very creative writing, its tougher to write on a blog compared to a journal because other people read them; you end up protecting yourself more than you would with a journal and it therefore isn't really as personal, you try to make yourself out to be something your not. something better, smarter, cooler...

today's recommended mp3 - The Tragically Hip - Ahead by a Century.

the best part about blogs is that someone actually reads them... that just cracks me up. hey, your reading this? get a life, there must be something better to do than to read this useless crap. take a walk read a book write a letter learn an instrument draw a picture set up your own blog and make fun of the people who read it.

oh, it does work cool. blogs are cool. ok, mmm... my dog's name is pip. i like taco's and indie rock. my mom thinks im cool.

why does this not work?

hi, this is my web site and my blog. i am a big dork. type. type. type.